This may take a few posts, as bullying is a complex issue. I am looking for feedback, as a discussion on this topic must be had, at many levels.
First off, I was a victim of bullying for six years as a child. I was called names, beat up, excluded, made fun of, and generally had a bad time of it. Before anyone starts thinking I had a miserable childhood, it wasn't. I had a stable family parents who loved me, so the bad times were mitigated with caring parents. That didn't make the bad times any more enjoyable.
The first step to problem-solving is to identify the problem. What is bullying?
Indiana Code IC 20-33-8-0.2 states that bullying means overt, repeated acts or gestures, including:
(1) verbal or written communications transmitted; (2) physical acts committed; or (3) any other behaviors committed; by a student or group of students against another student with the intent to harass, ridicule, humiliate, intimidate, or harm the other student.
Well that's just great! Leave it to legislators to develop language that only other legislators can truly understand. So let's break it down. Overt means that the behavior must be open and observable; not hidden, concealed, or secret. That's a problem. Often the bully hides what he/she does. So that means the sheepdog's job is to bring the bullying to light.
It has to be repeated. Technically, that means more than once. Does that mean committing a defined behavior twice makes you a bully? Three? It is important to establish a pattern of behavior. That means the sheepdog has to find a way to show the behavior has been repeated. That means documentation.
Lastly, there has to be intent. Wolves intend to harass, ridicule, humiliate, intimidate or hurt others. Yet we have all engaged in such behaviors, yet we don't truly want to hurt others. Therefore determining intent is vital to combating bullying. That means that the sheepdog has to know his students, to better be able to discern intent.
Another aspect of bullying, not considered by legislators, is control. The victim of bullying loses control over their liberty to another. This loss of liberty is why bullying is such a problem. Liberty is one of our inalienable rights. We have gone to war to defend it. Yet when a child loses it to another child, we have erroneously classified it as "part of growing up". Yet what lesson do we teach when we enable the loss of control of a child's liberty right?
When one person strips another of control while engaging in the above defined behaviors, then true bullying is taking place. As the bully intends to do this, then what we have is, at best, sociopathic behavior. When the bully enjoys the pain caused, then it can be said that he/she is exhibiting psychopathic behaviors. When described like that, it's easier to see why bullying has become such a problem. Add the instant gratification of the electronic age, and we have a recipe for societal disaster.
No pressure.
A friend of mine, who doesn't use social media, sent me this comment:
ReplyDeleteIt is hard to generalize on such matters because they can be developed by a range of issues and conditions surrounding the individuals involved.
In General bullying is primarily, though not exclusively, a matter of developing a social pecking order among individuals who have not yet developed any major social awareness or skills.
Most often it comes from kids who have a limited view of their own self worth and seek to bolster their image in the eyes of their peers. When you feel you're not good at many things other than being strong, cool or popular then you tend to rely on what works for you.
The best way to reduce bullying is not by just keeping the bullying down but to help develop a recognition of social structures. Early classroom instruction on social structures and self image development would do more to reduce bulling then anything that could be done once the behavior starts.
Once it starts, a dependency is developed by the bully. He needs to bully to make himself feel good but at the same time it further lowers his self image. It's a self feeding cycle that increases the level and intensity of the bullying as time goes on. At that point the cycle can only be broken, if it can at all, by removing the bully from his environment completely.
Often going from one schools social environment to another can make the individual unsettled long enough to break the habit. The cycle develops slow enough for most bullies that going to grade school to middle or high school will break the cycle before it gets out of hand. Unfortunately this isn't always the case.
In some ways a decent analysis. Bullying has, as a facet, a social pecking order. However, true bullying is a personality disorder, as a true bully does not care about 'normal' social conventions.
ReplyDeleteThe reason I wanted to discuss what bullying is, lies in the fact that everyone has a different definition, which often leads to different solutions that may not match the problem.
My friend SP responded:
ReplyDeleteMost kids wouldn't know normal if you hit them over the head with it. They are kids and kids are trying to figure out normal. If they aren't given guidance then they'll try to figure it out on their own. In my opinion social structure and self worth should be one of the first things taught to kids from the first day of school. They are being brought together in large groups for the first time yet aren't given any guidance to what to expect or what is expected of them. That seems rather stupid and thoughtless to me.